Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
