allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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