I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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