Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
