dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
