It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
