my phone needs a breathalizer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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