Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
