do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
