nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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