right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
