im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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