This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
