I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
