oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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