So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
