You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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