Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
