Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
