Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
