i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
