I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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