the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
