6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I smell stomach acid.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
