He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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