When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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