Duck Duck Cougar?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
