By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
