somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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