so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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