why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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