Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
