I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
