remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
