I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
