Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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