I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
