kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
