Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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