from now on my penis is your penis
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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