I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
