Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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