Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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