Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize