I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
