I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
