just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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