I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
