That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
