he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
