I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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