I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
