Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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