she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
