this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
