Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
