I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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