Got a toothbrush?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Randomize
