i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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