I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
