I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
