I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
