wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That's when you crack a 10am beer
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
