so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
