WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
