I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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