if you like me you must not know who I am
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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