I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
