i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
