Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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