Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
