why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
40s are totally the cure
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
