Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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