kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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