Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
